Self centered, sted self-centered

When I was young, I came home each night and wrote about my day, good or bad. I detailed every moment of my life: my feelings, my friends, my nemeses, my stresses, hopes and fears.
Now, I can’t be bothered. I write for a living, and when I come home, it feels like more work to write.
The days pass more quickly than they did back then, and I live in the moment rather than live in anticipation of events yet to come. The goods are greater and the bads are worse. But the details are blurry.
Today I taught my first yoga class, Intro to Yoga. I had just two students, Gary and Terri. They’d never taken a class, and they were eager and willing students. Despite a stuffy head and a nose full of snot, which I managed to keep in until the end of class, I felt good. I felt strong and capable. And I stayed on task.
We’ll see what tomorrow brings.
I’ll teach my first regular class, my weekend winddown class. I’m not letting myself worry about it too much. I can’t change the universe, what will happen will happen regardless. All I can do is try my best.
Lately, I’ve been feeling quite spiritual and introspective. Faced with the idea of my own mortality. Someday, I will die. I will be dead. That terrifies me, because I am so accustomed to being in control and knowing what will happen next. But it also motivates me to make the most of my life. I want to drink less, do more, love more, complain less, say kinder words and reach out and love the world. I try to quiet my mind when I start to feel angry. It doesn’t work all the time, but I am trying. The desire to gossip and complain is lessening, and I want to support everyone around me with love. Instead of sending negativity into the world, even when I am the recipient of such energy, I’d like to respond with sending my own version of a Care Bear stare. Love, peace and kindness.
I’ve been reading Paolo Coelho books and listening to Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now.” It’s slow going, the latter, but I feel like I’m really absorbing it. I’m trying to live each moment with purpose and make it less about me. I’m trying to let my mind relax.
I need to write more.
I need to take time to quiet my mind and allow my thoughts to flow out.
Some thoughts from “Brida”:
Women are a whore, martyr, virgin or saint.
We follow two paths to learn our purpose in life: The Tradition of the Sun, which teaches us through the space and world, and The Tradiation of the Moon, which teaches us through our minds, our pasts and time.
Soulmates are bits of the same soul that was cleaved long ago. You can recognize your soulmate from the light in the eyes or a spot of light just above the shoulder. We’re all searching in this life for a soulmate, but we all have more than one.
“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.”