I am alive

The moments are less fleeting now.
Those moments of clarity, of peace, of calm.
I can rest, in savasana, at a concert, or next to my lover, and my heart doesn’t race, my body doesn’t tighten, my mind doesn’t scan the perimeter for an escape route.

I feel alive.

My life has returned.

I don’t require as much lubrication through alcohol. I can stay home on weekends. I no longer worry about whether I am liked.

I feel loved. I love in return. I exude happiness, and I spread joy.

I am not perfect.

I allow myself to live, in the moment. The schedule, so packed, full of its windowshades of black and white, are no longer all shut. They’re open, allowing early morning rays of sunshines and fleeting sunsets to peek through. They no longer queue up like an infinite series of monotonous moments. They have meaning, they are unique, and they are mine.

Happiness comes from the green tea latte that adds an extra 200 calories.
The sushi platter with friends that breaks you vegetarian streak.
The trip to the mall on a weeknight, all alone, for frivolous things.

I am blessed.
I am proud.
I am humble.

And I am alive.